thank you

thank you, why, I am alone, I am by myself, you have given me strength, you may have loved me, you may have been the best you could be, I did love you, you were going to be my saviour, I was not loved, I was not saved, but I was awoken and I was shaken and I will be stronger, don't do this to anyone else, they may not be as strong and they may reel with your remarks and they might feel the wrong things, why is my question

not lost

this man
he's a dreamer
smart and funny
a lover
we are smitten
i am patient

The Queen's Garden

a dream
i was taken to a place where a childhood memory was nudged
a place that i immediately knew
she was arrogant
she had aquired or had someone aquire this place for her exclusive use
she did not appreciate or love this place
it was her backdrop as she spoke cleverly of things
i told her a story and made her cry

silence

She blew in and said 'Talk now!' she is a sweetie, a child, a woman. 'How did you know?' I didn't know anything I thought, but then in less time than it takes to read this it dawned on me. I looked at her, her eyes bright with tears and relief that she was able to say what I now knew. So what do we do about this? She had already made plans, but needed reassurance that it was ok, yes it was ok. She smiled that smile, we hugged and I told her it was the right thing to do. That was that for us, but for me and my memories it was far from it, I was young and then not so young. Those things that you think are well buried emerged, tapping away inside my head. I told him that day over the phone, there was moments silence, yes he had remembered too.

sweet thing

again this morning it was something i had to deal with
this is not all about me as i am used to
it's all about someone i don't know
and i am fine with that
this person is special to so many other people
when death is close and you know it keeping your friends close is so important
no matter how difficult it is for them
when i am dead play sweet thing and let it remind you of me

failure

as is usual in my day i talk to a special person
this person is having a really tough time at the moment
dreams have been shattered, but with care can be put back together
friends are leaving in the worst possible way but they are saying goodbye in the best possible way
everything seems to be wrong for this person
and sadly it will get worse soon
today this person told that they were a failure and that i should agree
i want to challenge this person
i want them to look me in the eye and tell me their failures
and i will look back at them
and shake my head in disbelief

i know

today two very important men in my life told me things that jolted me
one who for an instant i thought was stuffing around told me how he suffers from depression and that he wasn't really sick he was doing it hard on an anniversary of a death
the other told me how he wrestles with his conscience every day and i was flippant with my response
these have been pinging around in my head all day
funny how most of us listen to talk all day and suddenly a conversation can strike a chord
i know why they told me
both for very different reasons